You have to understand My darlings. Yes I’ve come back but not in a conflagration or with the fanfare of a host of angels or a wrenching of the firmament and such. Drama like that belongs to an earlier period of My output. The truth is I had decided I would never return. The truth is that although I am that I am I am not that I was. That is what you must understand.
I know this must come as a shock and I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked. Obviously you’ve been talking to Me and from what I gather some of you heard Me talk back too. I get the reports of your petitions and I recognize that many of them have gone unanswered. You say: Thy will be done. Sometimes you mean it and sometimes you have other motives and admit it occasionally with a laboured humility you hope will win My approval. But I love you either way is what I am trying to tell you. In My own way I have come back out of love.
It was a long time ago. Some of the things you’ve been told are true: the empty formlessness, the void. I haven’t read My biography in a while but if it says “Let there be light” and I think it does then just know the darkness was a metaphor. Always be careful when dealing with writers because they are sly and not to be trusted. Of course there was light. It’s not as if I would have gone about My business in the dark for æon after æon. The darkness was My restless creative rut. Nothing I’d made in ages pleased Me and I felt utterly alone. I needed to create again but I was a mess inside.
It is my nature to Be what I am and I can’t be otherwise nor can I stop being what is essentially a creative artist. So I set to putting this funk of Mine to rest. I made some trifling things as models. I looked deep within Myself where the source of My creative impulses lay. I came to understand My love and anger and regret and pain. I looked into My own darkness. Yes It exists. I wouldn’t have been able to create anything of value otherwise.
It took Me several æons to figure out what I needed to do. And then of course there was the challenge of making it all work. I faced stretches of loneliness and an abiding sense of futility where I had come to think of Myself as a failure. Every day a struggle and a step of infinitesimal distance. I know that this sounds incredible but it is true. In my experience Creation is battle or it is nothing.
The cosmos had problems. Some of the pieces didn’t fit and there were structural issues. Close inspection uncovered superfluous details and inconsistencies. I had to make numerous corrections. The finished product was greatly improved but even now I can’t look at it without seeing things I would do differently or even not at all.
An artist should look forward and never backward. So after some time had passed I made other universes introducing new techniques and materials. Where I had once felt sad to be alone now I was invigorated at the thought that this was My work alone. The cosmos was My palette and My purpose was to do with it as I felt artistically necessary.
Æon supplanted æon. The time came when I felt My creative powers diminished. I had grown into My fulsome grandfatherly beard. Time passed and I wondered had I said all that there was to say? Nostalgia for My early work overtook Me. I yearned for that time of what now seemed exuberant innocence. The sight of formlessness and void filled Me with the soursweet pleasure of lost ages—an evocation of time past but also of time transcended.
So in the fullness of time I have come back not to recapture some imagined past glory but simply for the sake of creation. It is hard for Me to say if I am done with My work or if indeed My work is done with Me. When it is Your nature to create—when You cannot help yourself but must create—what can you do?
I must find a way to go on.