The ORANGE MENACE, Mr. Damien Crusher King of America
SHIVE WHITE, Chief Strategist, and Senior Counselor to the King
RETZ TALLIS, Lord Secretary of State
GENERAL MICKEY CLOBBER, Prince of Defense
GENERAL JIMMY WHACKER, National Security Advisor
BETTY CONAWAY, The President’s Spokesperson
BIANCA CASH, Spiritual Advisor to the King
DAMIEN CRUSHER II. }
CHARLES-EDWARD } children of the King
LAKI PILFE }
HEDDI LINE }
BARRY LEDE } journalists
LIBBY E. LEET }
Holt, the manservant
Lords, Ladies, Officers, Soldiers, Messengers, Attendants, Commoners
ACT I, Scene I
Enter THE ORANGE MENACE and SHIVE WHITE.
Cru. Hath it been so, that mine honor should be stained, and by this Streep?
Shiv. M’lord, ’tis so. A Streep who wills thee stripped.
Cru. Well-strapped perhaps! Yet never shall be stripped.
Shiv. Ha, thou has put a finger on it and made your point, at length.
Cru. Not of the length of my members, but of the girth of my embers, let us speak. For I burn with rage at my equator, so shall there be a stripping. This Streep shall feel the lash. Hand me that device!
Enter BARRY LEED, HEDDI LINE and LIBBEY E. LEET. SCENE: the Geld News newsroom
Led. Lately the King hath issued a decree!
Hed. Prithee tell, what crisis clefts our realm?
Led. (Reads) Tho ignorant of my righteous Crown,
This Streep in vain would tear me down.
My kingly and empurpled robes
Attacked she at the Golden Globes!
I, the best as well as good,
She, most over-rated in Hollywood!
Lib. From such a twit, such tweets.
Led. The wit of the man is wet, yet I prefer my humors dry.
Hed. Of phlegm and bilious temperament is he;
Inflam’d our body politic shall be.
Enter GENERAL MICKEY CLOBBER and GENERAL JIMMY WHACKER.
Clob. Hast thou heard the news of late?
Whack. The King hath his sundry diversions set, of this I know.
Clob. A very cornucopia of dainties, to keep the media sated.
Whack. How easily the fools are baited!
Clob. Then let them feed in the anteroom, no further entrée shall they know.
Whack. Let us leave them to their cold collation.
Meanwhile we devour a nation.
To be continued ….