Today I Answer Questions from My Blog’s Spam Folder

Boo-the-dog-Sleepy
Letters, oh I get letters. But mooostly I get SPAM. Lots of thousands of hundreds of lots of spam. So, you know, when life hands you a blog folder choc-full-o’ lemons, what do you do? You make artisan organic gluten-free Lemon Spamade! Cos that’s the ri-dic-u-lous kind of society that we’ve become! (Kidding.)

K!—time for the spam questions, peoples.

Q: My coder is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on a number of websites for about a year and am anxious about switching to another platform. I have heard great things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress content into it? Any kind of help would be really appreciated!

A: Boy, your ‘coder’ sounds like a douche—nice code for ‘boyfriend,’ btw. (Get it? coder CODE? Hehe 😉 ) So…what you do is you tell this Mr. Movable-type to moveon.org, and you switch to a new platform called YouGoGirl. And keep your stick on the ice in that .net of yours. Ah, the Internetting.

Q: Do you know that you can copy articles from other pages to your site and they will pass copyscape test and google will see them as unique?

A: I did not know this! I may never write an article again!

Q: Howdy! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew whete I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form?

A: Well howdy to you, robotic-spam-generated commenter! Trust me, there is no “off topic” around here. Viagra, penis extenders, Nike Jordans, weight loss, Stephen Harper: it’s all good, my spam friend! Okay, so, captcha plug-ins for comment forms. That’s an anti-spam thing, right? You see the irony, don’t you? No—of course you don’t.

Q: Male, I truly adored reading this article posting. You might have certain us to join to your website, although wherever may i uncover the actual Rss?

A: First of all, thank-you for correctly identifying, specifying, and spelling my sex. You’d be amazed how often my beloved spam correspondents addreses me as girl, girrl, or even madame. Anyway, yeah, I might have certained yous to join my website, but to be honest I don’t recall ever certaining anyoneses to do that. As for your not being able to uncover the Rss—haha! I have diabolically hidden it where it can never be found! BWA-HAHA! *rubshandstogether*

Q: Fastin is a true “mood promoter” whose stimulant effects are rapid,
yet exceptionally even throughout each dose. Weight loss design includes increased lipolysis (fat loss) accompanied by elevated mood and high-energy levels in combination with a reduced caloric intake and increased metabolic expenditure typical of an effective overall weight loss plan.We love inspiring our followers and fans, whether it’s on facebook, pinterest or twitter, and we especially like to hear. It’s Friday again! How has your weight loss journey been going this last week?

A: Two words: funnel cake.

Q: Can you coloration UGG hiking footwear? most jobs in today’s times can be shaded plus which applies to your footwear on the same.

A: Yes, I believe you can colorate using fabric dye or a Crayola felt marker.

Q: Hey there! Would yyou mind iff I share your blog with my twitter group? There’s a lott of people that I think would reaally enjoy your content. Please let me know. Cheers

A: You’d be amazed how often I’m spamasked this. Nno, I woulld not mindd that at alll. Cheerss!

Q: Hi there! Do you know if they makle any plugins to help with SEO?

A: Is this some kind of a perv question?

Q: Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I prrovide credit and sources back to your webpage?

A: See annswerr above.

Q: I’m really enjoying the design and layout of your site.It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me tto come heere and visit more often.Did you hire out a designer to create your theme?

A: No, I did it all be myself!

Q: It’s great to see this useful post on dog training. I have a question though. How do you work with a younger dog?

A: Honestly, I just don’t. I mean, these younger dogs nowadays! What, with their sense of entitlement! And their helicopter dog parents! They think all they have to do is show up, and they’ll be given the biscuit! And the dog education system these days! Listen, back when I was a young dog—woof! Woof woof!!!

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2 responses to “Today I Answer Questions from My Blog’s Spam Folder

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    Like

  2. Haha. Nice. But have you gotten any offers like this from another great writer? I am really considering hiring this prick. He/she/it could really do some damage out there…

    “Please let me know if you’re ooking for a writer for your site.

    You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good
    asset. If yoou ever want to take sopme of the load off, I’d reallyy
    like to write some content for your blog in exchange foor a link back to mine.
    Please blast me an e-mail iff interested. Regards!”

    Like

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