THERE’S AN EASY WAY to tell you’ve been spending too much time with the Cree, and it’s this: When you find yourself saying, “No, just kidding” every time you are just kidding. As in, “Three guys walk into a bar…. Read More ›
Humor
Humorous essays for everyday life, by Wayne K. Spear
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, updated for the 21st century
Photo by Jezz, “Winter Traffic” on Flickr. I WAS IN WINNIPEG, Manitoba last week, where the temperature reached a breath-taking -729.5°C when the FLTW is factored in. And FLTW is, of course, the Feels Like To Wayne scale. Which… Read More ›
Dear Mr. God, It’s Me Charlie
In many places around this world, I would be killed just for posting this dumb letter THIS IS SLIGHTLY weird for me. I don’t believe that you exist, so it’s like writing a letter to Santa, except I’ve never seen… Read More ›
Some tips for keeping warm in interstellar space. I mean, Canada.
IF YOU LIVE in Canada, or northern USA, you know how nasty Winter can be. Also, if you live on the moon or in interstellar space, where I hear it gets almost as cold as Winnipeg. Like me, every Winter… Read More ›
Make anything funny with this one simple trick
LAST MONTH my family went on a mission. It was my son’s idea, and it went like this: from a hat each one of us picked the name of a family member and went to the local department store with… Read More ›
Some tips on how to make effective New Year’s resolutions
THE OXFORD English Dictionary says that resolution comes from a Latin word, resolvĕre, meaning “to loosen or dissolve.” Its early appearances, in late Medieval England, refer to a state of dissolution or decay. So if today were December 30, 1389,… Read More ›
This new model of the universe requires no math and goes great with Jägermeister
I DON’T RECALL who first said that time is an illusion: it could have been a famous theoretical physicist, or one of my uncles, or that guy in college who’d always want to talk about quantum mechanics after six Jägermeisters…. Read More ›
I am fighting the war for freedom on eBay
YEARS AGO, I bought the 1929 Elgin art deco watch pictured above. Recently the crystal fell out and the minute hand caught on my jacket sleeve and was pulled off. Off I went to the neighborhood repair person, an old-school… Read More ›
How my HAPPINESS CRYSTAL will destroy the business of making people unhappy
A FEW YEARS AGO a fictional person I’ll call Max discovered video games. He loved to play Internet games on the family desktop computer. They were freely available and provided the occasional hour or-so, here and there, of fun. But… Read More ›
The legendary feats of John Wick, assassin—continued
AN EX-HITMAN [Keanu Reeves] comes out of retirement to track down the gangsters that took everything from him. With New York City as its bullet-riddled playground, John Wick is a fresh and stylized take on the assassin genre. Here is… Read More ›
This is an offensive aboriginal stereotype, even if it does describe me perfectly
I‘M SURE you’ve all seen it: the offensive “Native” stereotype of the guy who has this long, thick, wild-flowing hair and intense, passionate eyes. Often he’s a lean, muscular type—again, passionate and earthy, mysterious, and sexually irresistible to women. Here’s… Read More ›
Some men’s vintage haircuts considered
DEPRESSION, war and totalitarianism. Who doesn’t get nostalgic thinking about the 1920s, 30s and 40s? No one, is who! Perhaps that’s why the old-timey barbershop has returned, and with it the hairstyles of the early-to-mid 20th Century.
Running explained
RUNNING WAS INVENTED 4,600,000 years ago by our human ancestors, Australopithecus. In the 34th Century BCE, ancient Sumerians called this activity Naputu—a verb meaning “to not get yourself eaten by wild animals.” Four thousand years ago, religious festivals led to… Read More ›
How my school days prepared me for a world which doesn’t exist, and didn’t prepare me for the one that does
SCHOOL DAYS. They were so long ago, you probably don’t remember them. Or maybe what you remember didn’t happen. I’m talking about you, not about me. My memories, of being the team captain and MVP, are as sound as any… Read More ›
My Grade 11 English Teacher, Mrs. Joyce, Marks Christmas Carols
Jingle Bells Obviously the bells jingle: that’s what they are made to do. Try “bells, bells all the way.” (See Strunk and White, “Omit needless words.”) Also, does the protagonist have some sort of objection to a multi-horse and/or closed… Read More ›
