Apparently I’m rich, but you should buy my new book anyways

Shower

MONEY. Paul McCartney says it can’t buy him love, but Paul McCartney complaining about not being able to buy love is like Paris Hilton lamenting that she can’t smooth-talk her way into a West Hollywood restaurant. And my point here is: where do I sign up to have Paris Hilton problems? Just point me to the office and I’ll be on my way, and thanks.

I admit it: some days I wonder why I get out of bed. But I already know the answer to that, and it’s showers. Boy, do I love showers. Most days the shower is the best part of my day. I get all my best blog ideas there, and I have deep philosophical thoughts about life, the universe, and Paris Hilton. I like to think that if my shower thoughts were caught on tape, they would be a hit television program. The problem is my back fat would also get caught on the tape, and I’m not ready yet to watch a television show featuring my thoughts and my back fat. Maybe one day, if my books don’t sell. So, for now, deal breaker.

Why do I get out of the shower is the question. Maybe I should arrange my life in some way that allows me to just stay there, like John Lennon in that Montreal hotel-room bed. Man, it’s like those Beatles have beaten me to everything—money, fame, lying in bed for three days, psychotropics. Give me enough time in the shower, and I’ll write Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. Too bad it’s already been done.

Things started to look up when someone told me about a way to find out what your website is worth. Don’t ask me how it works, it just does. My brother-in-law knows all about this technical stuff, so ask him. He also is a talented and prolific blogger. His excellent website Open Craft Beer is probably worth tons of money, because he writes about a very valuable commodity. If you looked at my investment portfolio, to take one example, it’s mostly investments in beer. And when I say investment, I mean that literally. I buy the beer, and I put it in my vest. Then I sit in the corner of the room and take shareholder dividends from my available asset liquidity.

Here are some screen shots of what I did, and what I learned about how much my website is worth.

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Look at that! Almost two thousand dollars! That’s a lot of investing. I think I’ll start with IPA futures.

Also, I got curious about how much other websites are worth.

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 9.05.44 PM

For this one the computer calculator froze up or something, so I never did find out what Facebook is worth. On the positive side, I have a date Friday with a woman named Ivana.

Anyways, below is a lovely photo of my co-author Larry Loyie with our new book—out today! You can buy it here. I will also be at the Toronto International Book Fair this weekend to do some promotion. See you there!

RS Larry with book on porch

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