[June 21, 1975]
I am on my back a half-naked animal fever bitten with a blade of noonsun dissecting my sweaty torso and the ceiling pulses I may heave again into the blue plastic bucket at my bedside. When I feel able I turn but it’s useless for though I pitch as a ship in weather nothing brings me comfort and I fear nothing ever will and in this moment I ask myself Am I dying Yes comes the brainword Yes as if twisted from a fetid cloth like the one that has fallen from my brow. Yes I am ready to die. Reason claws at the skin of this ocean and although the churn is sucking me down down I know it is only the fever speaking and I swim. I am ready to die but not to go down into these waters.
A WISE MAN once said that a cluttered desk is the sign of a brilliant, active mind. And the reason the wise man said this is that people kept coming into his office and saying Oh my god—LOOK AT YOUR DESK! And frankly, I’d had just about enough of that.
Now I would like to update this irrefutable truism to read as follows:
Any mess that I make, anywhere, is a certain indication of how amazing and full of vitality I am.
I can has MORE! (Click to read the full post)
“I have been ready to die for an eternity now.”
THE KNIFE IN BOTH hands, I give a quick thrust and pierce the skin of my throat. The snap reminds me, all this time later, of the German wieners of my youth. Now I’ll lie here on the floor for what will seem an eternity. But like every other time, I won’t die. I won’t even bleed, or feel pain.
GREETINGS, friends and comrades! To celebrate the release of the 20th Anniversary Edition of Real Things Real People Are Really Doing, this Wednesday at noon I’ll be drawing two names at random from among my monthly newsletter subscribers. Each of these two winners will receive a signed copy of the 1st Edition Real Things Real People Are Really Doing, as well as my latest book Full Circle: The Aboriginal Healing Foundation & The Unfinished Work of Hope, Healing & Reconciliation.
The 20th Anniversary Edition of Real Things Real People Are Really Doing will be available Wednesday at 8 a.m. as a download at waynekspear.com. Included will be a 2014 introduction and a new, hitherto unpublished story called “Consummatum Est.” Click on the button below to subscribe. I’ll contact the winners on Friday to get a mailing address. Every subscriber will receive my monthly newsletter, special book deals, my unyielding gratitude—and maybe even some free books!
HAROLD HAD KEPT in his mind the image of the newspaper’s doubled face, the luxurious automobile below the fold, and the latest disaster from across the world above. From the livingroom he regarded the quiet dignity of his neighbourhood and congratulated himself for his accomplishments. He felt he lived in one of Amigary’s ﬁnest neighbourhoods, in a very respectable Tudor home. He thought of the things he would like to do over the summer, perhaps install a swimming pool or a deck. The neighbour’s dog barked. Harold reorganized his mental list, adding Fence at the top and moving Pool below Deck. His wife would want to know how he proposed to pay for these: but never mind that, he thought to himself. She was always worrying over nothing. They would do ﬁne, he’d say. Harold could smell the dog shit in the air and wondered, Would the others smell it too? The thought that they would embarrassed him and made him only more determined to build the fence. Never mind that a fence would never stop a smell. It was something, a start. In the meantime, they would be polite and pretend not to notice.