As I see it, my job is to save Western civilization. To save Western civilization one must destroy it, or nearly destroy it, or allow it to be nearly destroyed from a safe distance.
I was hired to investigate the election. There, I have said it. It is out in the open now. There are suspicions that the Russians have hacked the computers that tally the votes. Whose suspicions? I have no idea, they are suspicions. Anyone may have them. Russians, for example.
The people of this region have fought for millennia, but there will be peace. At last, there will be peace in this land.
Today I will be judging the contestants for this very important cabinet position. Only one will win. No one but me and my extremely telegenic daughter, Laki, will know who that is. But let me tell you, it’s going to be very, very tough.
“America,” says the Orange Crusher. “What a wonderful place!” He will sleep well tonight. He will dream a tremendous dream. And soon that dream will become reality.
The orange menace sleeps his usual seventeen minutes but does not sleep well. He wakes with the mist of a terrfying dream thick upon his brain.
Geld Times journalist Barry Leed is an unacknowledged hero. Although he failed to anticipate the triumphal rise of the orange menace, he retrospectively writes of its inevitability. There’s nothing about this shocking election victory that Mr. Leed cannot explain. “It’s obvious… Read More ›
Bim Kerbler is a Junior Associate in the Office of Official Optimism, Division “C” (Quotations) Unit 42 (Inspiration) sub-sector twenty-nine (Cats). His particular area of assumed expertise is words.
SCANNING THIS WEEK’S renewal of the Bush and Blair trials, I wondered: do I alone notice the toxic ethnocentrism lurking in the belief that the world’s political disasters are the result of, and response to, America’s policies and actions?